This Year We Need Some Seder

There is no doubt that this year is beyond challenging. We are all stressed and cooped up together and Passover will not be the same. The energy and joy of bringing family together will be replaced by our faces in tiny boxes that make our family resemble the Brady Bunch.  Yet, it is precisely why this year, more than ever, we need Seder. We need to draw upon the concept of Seder in our tradition and not just focusing on having a festive meal, but also use this value to create a sense of order in our chaotic world. During these uncertain times, children and adults are craving structure. They are yearning for tangible action steps that help them get through each step of the day from waking-up to bed-time. We are all in uncharted territory together, which is creating a great deal of personal and societal anxiety. Even young children understand that the routines that they know and love have been disrupted. 

Last week, I was FaceTiming with a friend and watched her pre-verbal one-year old walk to the door with her shoes and bang on it, ready to go to day-care. It is hard for children to understand why so much of what they know and depend on has changed. Our order has been disrupted, and adapting to a new normal will be a challenge for all – and will take time. This lack of order is extremely challenging for adults as well. Parents are being asked to do the impossible of working and providing child care full time. It is stressful, lonely and hard – many parents are sharing this article sharing how they are not ok – and they aren’t, and that’s ok! 

Yet, there are ways that we can bring order, Seder, to the chaos of this moment both throughout Passover and as we navigate whatever is coming next. For those with young children, the whole family can benefit from some sense of daily predictability. Order helps children self-regulate when they have clear expectations of what’s expected. Will it eliminate all tantrums? No! However, it can help children feel a bit more empowered and in control over their own world. Hopefully, having a sense of order and routine for your child will help make time at home a bit easier and more joyful for everyone. 

Below is a list of things you can do to cultivate a sense of order amid this chaotic time:

1.    Create a Visual Schedule: 

• Creating a visual schedule either through photographs or simple drawings gives children a concrete way of knowing what to expect. Families can sit down together and brainstorm the best ways to make the schedule or which activities to have on the schedule. 
• Verbally help children break down activities into tangible action steps. Knowing that they have completed a task and that they have to do one thing at a time helps them feel a sense of order and ownership. 
• Visual Schedules for young children do not need to have specific times designated for particular activities. Children enjoy a sense of trust and predictability in knowing the order of events much more than know exactly what time each event will take place. 
• Having routine activities such as potty time, brushing your teeth or bedtime as visible activities we do each day will help children transition to activities that in which they might be less eager to participate and help them self-regulate through knowing what to expect. 

2.    Use Language Surrounding Flexibility; Remind them that Schedules do Change:

• Talk to children about the need to be flexible during this time. Share with them how you are being flexible and how things in your schedule are changing as well. 
• Remember to talk to children about how, even if there is a schedule in place, sometimes schedules can change. Use the intentional language of “rescheduling” if there is something that they can’t do that they were looking forward to one day. 
• Let children be part of both the scheduling and rescheduling process. This will help them have tangible things to look forward to and help them feel in control, even if it’s just about when snack time is today. 

3.    Create a Family Social Story:

• Create a personal family social story about staying home from school. You can include names of siblings and pets whom children will be seeing every day, as well as share about how you are connecting with extended family that they may be used to seeing more often during this time. 
• You can include pages that talk about how, even though we are inside for a long time, we must be patient and, eventually, we will see our family and friends again. 

4.    Do Activities that Help Children Create Order:

• Puzzles are a great activity to help children work through feelings of disarray.  
• Read books and sing songs that children know and love. Incorporate them in your routines. 
• Cook and bake together- show children that there is an order to each recipe and that each ingredient is added in a special order so that you can create a delicious treat!

5.    Involve Children in the Seder: 

• As Passover approaches families can talk about how they are getting ready for the family Seder. Share with children that Seder means order, and, just like there is an order to their day, share with them that there is an order to this special Passover meal. 
• Preview the order for the Seder ahead of time. Give children the opportunity ahead of time to ask questions about why we will do what we do.
• Invite children to share different routines they have during your family Seder. Remind them that it our routines are important, and we have kept the order of the Seder for generations. 
• Find ways to include children in the Seder and Passover celebration. They can make place cards for seating, menus, original drawings to share their interpretation of the story, and more!

This year we will need Seder and order more than ever. We can use the wisdom of our traditional Seder to help us find strategies to do our best to create more order and predictability in our own homes and lives today. Happy Passover – I hope you each enjoy your seder in whatever form it takes!

Sasha Kopp is a Community Educational Consultant for Early Childhood and Family Engagement at The Jewish Education Project.